Confidence, by now would have hit the rock bottom! Isn’t it? Relationship break down invariably does that to many people, I mean almost. There are lot of emotions raking up your mind, anger, hate, self-doubt, insecurity, loneliness. Add children to it, and you sponge up these hurtful emotions all by yourself! Not a promising idea, though.
The workshops or community get-togethers we do for couple undergoing turbulent times in their relationship, the first thing we tell them is to Sit down and Think. A very tough thing to do, but slowly, level headed thinking gives way to rational solutions.
This post is about how you can bring back your confidence (if you have lost one) and be empathetic towards your would-be ex!!
Anyone, going through relationship breakdown, goes through these stages of separation:
These are the predominant emotions while separating.
There are some practical steps to regain your composure and confidence when you both think of separation. Your spouse or partner shares the same concerns as you do. He/she too is going through the same emotions that you are going through. Realising and accepting this from humane perspective will help you look at your partner empathetically.
Now, some practical things you both can do:
- Get help from your family and friends: may be financial, emotional or in day-to-day living.
- Have good look at your financial position.
- Sit and list out your expenses: current and those you expect to arise in near future.
- Work out a good plan for yourself and your children.
- Keep all the financial documents arranged for clear picture of your finances.
- Have an independent bank account.
- Don’t lose on family home. It’s excellent idea to let the children and their care taking parent stay in the family home.
When you start thinking in the direction to resolve the separation anxiety, you will realise that this is not that bad after all! Move on for better life.
So, now when you are separated from your spouse and living an independent life, but still there are many settlements to do. What can you do to stay empowered and confident? Here:
- Make your kids feel secured during this transition. Make only necessary changes and avoid drastic changes in their routine as far as possible.
- Communication is the key. Communicate openly and respectfully with your ex. That was you both can resolve many issues smoothly and co-parent your children.
- Negotiations during settlement is very common. However, don’t ever go overboard. Be reasonable with your demands.
- If things are getting tough, get a trained mediator to facilitate the negotiations.
- Try knowing legal side of all your negotiations and settlements you are arriving at. Because, at the end of the day, the court should find your settlements legally enforceable and give consent. Unless, you are legally complying, your arrangements are null and void!
It’s not easy. But to keep yourself going, you need keep your head and heart balanced. Will keep sharing my experiences with separating couple. Stay hooked.